Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Hmm. my conscience- Catherine!!!!

I saw here coming down the stairs while I on the other hand is eating burger and fries. She apprehended me how stubborn I am to eat fast foods when she already have reminded me to eat healthy foods to aid my fertilization. I am trying to eat healthy, think wisely, positively and desist away from stressful, negative thoughts. Hmmm.. It is easy said than done. I am thankful for her thoughtfulness and very caring actions towards my journey on longing to have a child of my own. She is doing her best to keep me more optimistic each day that soon I will have my own child. But its hard, it's getting harder each day. How could I live my life without a child? I couldn't! I am 27 they say I'm still young and there are a lot of time for us to try until it'll be given. Yet, you can't deny the fact that the more it hasn't been done, the longer the pain lingers. She is my conscience and I am thankful for her, for always being a good listener, a robust-optimistic thinker and indulgent friend.

My heart bleeds, it longs and ache for an angel to complete our life. I feel incomplete, erratic and feckless. Last night as I was surfing the net I came across a panel for woman who have underwent HSG a procedure to check if you have a blockage in your fallopian tube. A lot of them is trying and longing to have a child, some have went to a lot of procedure just to have one but with no success. As I go on reading I learned that if one has a blocked fallopian tube(a lot of medical terms and conditions may vary) most of them needed procedure to correct it, sadly some aren't that successful. This made me scared, depress, lonely and slowly losing hope. My husband kept me of the cliff of depression, giving me positive outlook in life. Still, my heart bleeds and cry for a child.

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