Monday, November 29, 2010

Close Road Ahead?!

I was arguing with myself silently if I should post what I  feel right now. Guess I have no choice because these is my only place of comfort and peace. I don't want to worry my husband over my new challenge and I don't want to make him feel depress and sad too. Last May or June my good friend Yhaz told me that she was pregnant, I was both happy and sad. See, Yhaz and Cathy are my two good friends who were really my big spiritual and emotional supporter regarding my desire to have my own child. Yhaz was with us when we tried to complete the 9 days Novena for St. Jude Thaddeus though she really didn't expect that she would be bless with a child we are all ecstatic with joy. Then I must admit to myself that somehow I was disappointed and hurt of course my notion is I was the one asking for a miracle but I failed. It didn't make me bitter or mad just as any other people would be I was a bit envious, a pity one. Nonetheless the love and joy the child brings us filled the emptiness inside. 

Now, again I must face another challenge that will test my understanding, patience and courage. Another friend is pregnant with her first child after only months of marriage. Gladness and wishful thoughts for her and her family is what I felt and think. But then again Yes I admit I'am envious again. For the nth time I have to face another heart ache, learn to comprehend my own situatation, widen my patience and strengthen my courage to withstand negative thoughts and questions over my head.  Sometimes I wish I won't know if the people I knew are pregnant not because I don't want to share their happiness its just that maybe it would spare me the pain and questions why am I not? I wanted to cry now but I am at work seems like tomorrow before I sleep that's if  I could sleep, I know I will cry my heart out. I Will be trying to obliterate questioning HIS will and ways and just focus on praying and hoping . But for now can I just pour my heart out?! Can somebody tell me whatelse should I do?! Feels like I am losing every inch of hope in me. Is the road ahead close for me?!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


Its been three days that I lack sleep and would end up only sleeping for 2-3 hours before my shift. Currently I am working on a graveyard shift and would last for a month ( 3 shifts in a day/ change of schedule every month). I could somehow here Rihanna's insomnia song playing while writing this lol. I feel also guilty for not eating healthy foods lately I would rather want to sleep than eat. Seems like I can survive the whole day without dinner and with less food I've eaten at breakfast and lunch. My appetite seems to hit the skid lately but will try to eat vegetable these following days.  My period is delayed for 5 days already but I am not hopeful 'cause often times when I work on a night shift either my period would be delayed or would precisely skip for that month. Feel some twinge, pangs or tolerable pain on my left ovary so I would might be expecting my period by the end of the week or next week. Nothings new I eluded myself in hoping for something positive to avoid another painful month of waiting. They say it would be better it we try to refrain from anticipating to avoid getting hurt. Often times my friends tell us that we expect less surprises might surge and so we are trying. So, everyday I aim to live life one step at time appreciating every blessings I have and pray harder for guidance and strength. 

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

A Christmas Wish

Christmas seems to be just outside the corner fast approaching. It's been quite a while since I made a Christmas Wish List for I only have been praying for one special wish-a child of my own. It's hard to be in a society that often criticizes, judge and gossips about other peoples misfortune or anguish. Few others seems to understand what were going through but rarely can we find a person close to us who are going through the same situation. Everyday I pray for enlightenment, wisdom and courage to withstand and understand this challenge I am going through. Aiming to be strong, optimistic and mirthful has been a great foundation of  valor. Often times as I lay down on my bed thoughts of pregnancy, building a happy family and the smile of a child plays like a movie in my mind. And most of the time when I do so I resist or divert my mind on other things. See, its hard to wait, hope and look forward to when you even doubt your own self. I am only human I never can pretend that I am always strong most of time I am just hiding in my mask of pretension. Nonetheless, I keep my faith intact and indomitable for I know that OUR FATHER in heaven and all the angels and saints are my only hope. So, this  year I will still keep on hoping, praying and try not to worry for God will answer my prayer. 

Kamay ni Jesus or Hand of Jesus

In Kamay ni Jesus I feel a great sense of Spiritual vibe. The place was so beautiful and organized in showing us how How JESUS give up his life to save us. It's a great place for children to learn the station of the cross and allowing all our religious upbringing to be rekindled and valued. The place was a magnificent view of religious facts and a very solemn one.

Ang Kamay ni Hesus or Hands of Jesus is one of the top Lenten destinations today here in the Philippines. Last April my husband and I together with our God Parents  came over to visit this place.  Here you can find the largest life-sized image of Jesus Christ on top of a mountain with his hand open wide.

Hundreds of thousands of people flock each year especially in Lenten Seasons during Good Friday and Easter Sunday to attend the mass and take the 300 steps of  the 14 stations of the cross and hills of holy rosary  to the holy mountain in Lucban, Quezon until you reach the top and finishes the station of the cross.  One of  the century old religious tradition by Filipinos are what we call Bisita Iglesia or Visiting Churches.We were very excited to visit this amazing place. One reason is that we wanted to pray and ask our Heavenly Father to bless us with a child of our own. It is one amazing healing place and rosary hill which we took the 300  steps until we reach the top of the mountain. Out of our amazement we got tongue tied and wasn't able to pray the rosary or the station of the cross. But as we saw each statues of the station of the cross we try to pray our own personal prayers and attended the mass after.

One of the best things in life is meeting people who value you as a whole person and accepted you to be a part of their life. Me and my husband are so fortunate to have God Parents who considers us their own children. Though being away from our family made us sad, we are very bless to have a very kind hearted God Parents. We spent four great days with them; they opened their hearts and home to us as a part of their own family. We have learned a lot on valuing our family and good traditions had been passed to us that for sure well make us a better individual. These pictures are taken from Victoria, Laguna all the way to all the towns we pass by going to Lucban, Quezon to visit Kamay ni jesus Shrine. Thanks to Ninang Emy and Ninong Doming for welcoming us to their family. ;

 The 300 steps to the top and the Church.
                                                                                           There are lot's of  Saint's Statues around this
 haven of serenity. Here are few of those I took pictures of.

 Above right is the Lucban, Quezon Town Plaza before going
to Kamay ni Jesus.
 Right Picture shows the facade of their town church.

 Above right is the picture of the whole town and the church for approximately150-200 steps above sea level.. On the left picture is the construction of Noah's Arch a new addition to the sanctuary.

 We ate our lunch in the Japanese Garden funny but this garden in reality is a cemetery made for the Japanese soldiers who died last world war II. It was a beautiful garden embodied with green luscious trees, a peaceful sanctuary and a breath of fresh air.

 Over looking almost the whole Quezon Province. It was pure silence, serene and a beautiful place. My god father said we were on the top of the mountain of Quezon and we can see the roads we traveled to get here.

With this little adventure we also have realized that Our Country has a wonderful and undeniable scenic views. If we all have the time and effort to recognized this beauty we would be able to appreciate and be more proud of our country.
You can also visit their official site at

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Celebration of Love

Our Anniversary! November 14, 2010
I love thee to the depth, the breadth and height my soul can reach..
I love thee for the pulse of valor you encapsulate within me..
I love thee immeasurably and infinitely beyond words can unfold..
I love thee for loving me like a perfect fairy tale story the world can ever be told..

    We celebrated our 2nd year anniversary in a simple but blissful way. Like any other couple we were so excited to celebrate our anniversary that it made me wake up at  4AM in the morning with only 3 hours of sleep. The supposed plan was to go to subic for 2-3 days enjoying ocean park and zoobic but unfortunately due to his schedule for the inter hospital basketball league and insufficient time/budget  we opt to just celebrate it with what we can afford. At 7 in the morning we are already at Padre Pio Church Libis to start our day with a mass but was told that it would start at 10 am. Both of us had time to pray soulfully and more time to see the full beauty of the church. There were many testimonials of miracles on the wall and it give me a new sense of hope that one day what we are praying will be granted and I too can post my testimonial in that wall. See, it's been 2 years now that we are married but still isn't bless with a child of our own. As much as we could we always try to think optimistically. But of course often times we would ask ourselves why and when?! Nonetheless, we know in our hearts that with patience and faith it will be granted. The mass ended at 11 am and we were there for almost 4 hours but it is all worth it. After which, we went to Eastwood City to eat our lunch and to enjoy the beauty of the place. Funny but both of us are beginning to be sleepy while we were roaming around the malls. There were  few people at Eastwood most of them are busy watching the pay preview of Pacquiao and Margarito fight inside the resto's and cinemas. Then we decided to go to Trinoma to hang around and look for a nice nike slipper that he wanted. By the way we had insufficient time and money to push through our plans to subic so I decided to buy him an installment ipad4 which I know will make him ecstatic. My husband loves music and video games; I pity his cellphone for he seems to play the music anywhere and whatever he maybe doing that it seems to deteriorate everyday. The joy in his eyes and lips can't be hidden when I gave it to him or should I say told him that I am going to buy that for him at that very moment. Though I said that we have insufficient budget the i pad 4 I bought was for 12 months installment so it has given me some time to save money. ;) He was supposed to buy me a watch but the one I wanted was already been brought so I told him I'd just wait for the new arrivals maybe next month so inclined with the Christmas bonus. ;) Our celebration wasn't extravagant or out of the ordinary but celebrating love doesn't need to be expensive and glamorous all it needs is a strong foundation of trust, respect and understanding. Looking forward to many years of celebration till our life is through and even through forever. 

My Quintessence, My Life, My Love!

With you I have found the quintessence of love and life,
In your arms I found my comfort and peace.
You alone is my reason to live,
and my life to you I will give.

All the love the world could ever know,
Is embodied within your soul.
How could I ever thank thee,
For loving me so unconditionally!

If I could have a wish that never fades,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
and the warmth of your embrace.

The cobweb of love we have,
Strengthen by the test and challenges.
Could never be annihilate,
For it is clothe with our faith in God's grace.

Thank you for teaching me the quintessence of love and life,
I have found in you the truth in every lies.
I LOVE YOU more as the day goes by.
For you are the air that keeps me alive.

I firmly suggest you to visit Padre Pio's Church in Libis or visist their site
My friend Cathy , Yhaz and I love to go churchventure to strengthen our faith and devotion. Next time I'll try to get a better pictures of the churches we went through and blog it.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Nitpicker/Fault Finders!

Dictionary Reference :


a person who habitually finds fault, complains, or objects, esp. in a petty way.

Some people consummate their personal happiness by harshly treating other individual by means of power tripping or unjust criticism. Others would judge and think ill just because they weren't accordingly given what they wanted. I asked my self why is it so but then I went blank. They say experience is really the best teacher and indeed so I must say.  Nonetheless, the world  has taught me another lesson through a hard situation. This time around such circumstances has battered and bruised my whole being; something that will test my patience, understanding and judgment. The cut it made has bleed anguish and hostility with in my soul. For they have hurt someone close to my heart  it flares up my anger, negative thoughts rises and impulsiveness might lead me to be contemptuous. Batter, insult, belittle and judge me I'll try hard to be patience and be silent but please I beg of you not to include someone that matters like life to me. As much as I want to comprehend and let it go somehow they seem to haunt me in every possible way they can.Cried my heart out, opened my blog to let it out and hope for the best. I keep telling myself that seasons change, tomorrow might bring a brighter one and pray that those people will understand the position were we stand. I am not saying at all that I am perfect and all nice that would be hypocrisy; but each time a situation occur I aim to put myself on the other person's shoes before I act or judge. You don't know what that person is going through or how huge his responsibility are but then you abruptly judge his personality.

This blog is my solace indeed for here I can elucidate my emotions and intellect. I am not someone who personally confronts cause I always do my best to be patient, understanding and calm. In silent I can win this battle over right judgment  How fortunate I am to be brought up in the province were people aim to be fair and kind to one another. A place were my personality was molded to aim to be kind and nice. To comprehend each circumstances in every angle, to selflessly humble oneself  for every ones sake. However, this is the real world were different people has different perspective thus we need to hold steadfastly to our courage to withstand it all. I write because this is my way of letting out what's inside my whole being. An outlet of emotions and thoughts, my confidant and  listener. It would be nice if we all wouldn't be a nitpicker or fault finder instead we should be a praiser. Each time I get to divulge my individuality here it seems that my pain lessens, positivity rises and what I write here stays here. All these I elude myself to carry on in the real world I mean all the negativity most especially the hatred. Now, I can say that I have calm myself, aim to conceptualize good vibes. So, in case your reading this please don't judge me I only wanted to share this for others to think this over and learn something useful for personal growth. Most of all I just wanted to be me. Thank you!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Our Sport

I love basketball! The thrill, its intensity, velocity, passion and everything that goes with it. My passion for this sport started at a very young age of 5. Growing up with most boys as circle of friends is enough reason  why I got hooked with it?! :-D Anyways, I started trying to be one of the boys, pretended that I love the game so I asked them to teach me the basics. Well, see back then I was a spoiled angel and anything that I wish is always being granted :-) So, yes I learned the game and fell in love with it. Looking back then I played all the boys game till I was in college billiard, softball, football and even baseball. Despite all  their efforts to divert, ignore and convince me that I shouldn't play boys games the more that I got addicted and I craved for it. But as  I grew up and mingled with girlfriends my interest with those games has lessens or should I say had slept for a while but has never been forgotten.

Then I met HIM.  A simple, shy, innocent guy, a friends friend, a new addition to our troupe the "kalye Onse". Yes, I am the only girl, the only baby and their queen. Kalye Onse is not only a basketball team but it was like a family. A family who loves to play  basketball even without a cent in their pocket or a shoe on their foot. Their passion for basketball is immeasurable and has strengthen by life's uncertainties; it has withstand the test of time and change. I tag along them with most of the game they played, I was their coach, manager, cheer leader, defender and sister. I supported them despite all the harsh weather and criticism they have encounter. So, I must say that  I have to come love and understand basketball through their passion and dedication.

Call it faith or destiny but through basketball I have met the man who will be my MVP (most valued person) ;-) I was so curious who this guy was back then, I felt that I should first get to interrogate him before he becomes one my "boys". He was  then so silent and shy that I haven't heard him speak a word for almost a week. They asked him to be a part of the team for he was so tall like almost a 6 footer man but he was so innocent in playing the game. Under a mango tree was an improvised basketball ring my boy friends taught him the basic of basketball and I was a bit pompous thinking that I knew how to play the game even if I was a girl compared to him. As usual I always tag along with them in their games but with more passion and interest; I thought maybe because  they somehow are winning despite all the hindrance they encounter along the way. Later, I realized that I wasn't no more than just in love with the game but with then man playing it.  

Now every time I get to see him play its not only the intensity over the game that thrills me but how my heart would blaze an explosion for loving and being proud of him. Well till here for now I will update you with my hubby's passion on basketball and their games next time around. This is just a beginning... :-)


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...