Monday, November 29, 2010

Close Road Ahead?!

I was arguing with myself silently if I should post what I  feel right now. Guess I have no choice because these is my only place of comfort and peace. I don't want to worry my husband over my new challenge and I don't want to make him feel depress and sad too. Last May or June my good friend Yhaz told me that she was pregnant, I was both happy and sad. See, Yhaz and Cathy are my two good friends who were really my big spiritual and emotional supporter regarding my desire to have my own child. Yhaz was with us when we tried to complete the 9 days Novena for St. Jude Thaddeus though she really didn't expect that she would be bless with a child we are all ecstatic with joy. Then I must admit to myself that somehow I was disappointed and hurt of course my notion is I was the one asking for a miracle but I failed. It didn't make me bitter or mad just as any other people would be I was a bit envious, a pity one. Nonetheless the love and joy the child brings us filled the emptiness inside. 

Now, again I must face another challenge that will test my understanding, patience and courage. Another friend is pregnant with her first child after only months of marriage. Gladness and wishful thoughts for her and her family is what I felt and think. But then again Yes I admit I'am envious again. For the nth time I have to face another heart ache, learn to comprehend my own situatation, widen my patience and strengthen my courage to withstand negative thoughts and questions over my head.  Sometimes I wish I won't know if the people I knew are pregnant not because I don't want to share their happiness its just that maybe it would spare me the pain and questions why am I not? I wanted to cry now but I am at work seems like tomorrow before I sleep that's if  I could sleep, I know I will cry my heart out. I Will be trying to obliterate questioning HIS will and ways and just focus on praying and hoping . But for now can I just pour my heart out?! Can somebody tell me whatelse should I do?! Feels like I am losing every inch of hope in me. Is the road ahead close for me?!

3 comments:

Bheng said...

Here I am again friend always ready to comfort you and seal you with my friendly and loving arms. If only I could do something that will ease the pain, I will. Don't ever quit for the journey of your faith in waiting for your greatest heart's desire. The road ahead of you will never be closed. I know the road is uncertain and we don't know where it will end. But trust God that He will lead you on the right road though you don't nothing about it. Because I know He will not leave you to face your perils alone.

"May the God of Hope fill you all with joy and peace." Romans 15:13

imriz said...

how can i give u comfort when that's desperately i needed now...but, God is so great that He had given me family and friends to give me company and all the help i needed.

there are no roads closed, by the time that road is opened then you will traverse a smooth path onto ur real purpose in life. let it be known that not all that we prayed and ask of Him shall be given to us, but let us know that he has created us for a certain purpose. "live according to what He has set in us"

tnx for the message.

I am Roni said...

Thank you for an inspiring thought imriz. I know your going through some tough times too and despite that you are here comforting me. I really deeply appreciate your warm thoughts. Indeed, I must try to accept that somethings aren't meant to be but it doesn't mean I am losing hope rather I am aiming to understand it more.

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